The Weeping Shitter of Wheaton, Illinois

Someday, I will sit down and post all of the before and after pictures of the work we've been doing to the house since Januaryish. I promise. The pictures are taken, and even uploaded to my computer (usually the biggest hurdle). Now I just need to find the words.

But anyway. We are down to the last room in the great redecorating blitz of aught eight: the downstairs bathroom. Now, if you've ever painted a bathroom, you know that despite their smaller size, they are the biggest freaking pain in the ass to paint. Lots of cutting and awkward angles. (I'm always glad that I do yoga when I have to paint a bathroom.)

And this house? Oh my god. The things I have seen when painting this house. Three layers of painted-over wallpaper? Check. Outlets painted to match walls? Check. The white molded enclosure of our bathtub mysteriously painted white? Sure. Why not?

So between the fact that it's a bathroom and past experience painting rooms in this house, I was prepared to not enjoy this project.

Little did I know what was in store for me.

The walls were papered in a red plaid and the ceiling painted a deep red to match. Obviously primer was called for. So I got my primer and brush all ready and got to work. About halfway through, I took a break (possibly to get a beer, but it's hard to say). It was then that I noticed that the primer I had put on first was beaded up and rolling down the wall.

Uhh. Okay.

My stellar investigative skills told me that the walls were oily. I'd wiped them down before I started, but only with water. Everyone knows that oil is hydrophobic. When you need to clean something greasy, you need the big guns. And that took care of it.

Or so I thought.

I started painting again. Then I noticed that the oil drips were back. Oh yes. There was oil dripping down the walls of our bathroom. Obviously , this was beyond my skill set (see: 409), so I reached into my bag of librarian tricks and googled it.

Turns out there is only one explanation. We aren't talking about a statue of the virgin, but that doesn't make it any less miraculous.

Am currently trying to figure out how to sell it on eBay.